Sleepover from Walks with Thurber: A Memoir

 

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Its me, Thurber

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Stanford

I had a sleepover at my house. I know, it has been a long time since I got to talk to you. Mom has been busy, whatever that means. I have been going for more and more walks. But I have to tell you about my sleepover. You know I like white fluffy things and purple things. (That’s because Mom likes purple things. Sometimes she is a purple thing herself), but anyway about my sleepover. Mom brought my friend over and he stayed here. He got to sleepover at my house!!! Mom took us both for walks but not at the same time.

His name is Stan, but Mom calls him Sweetie Pie. Is that a food? Mom and Dad get pie a lot. They don’t let me have it. I get bananas and apples and grapes (not many of those) and a cracker at the morning and a cracker at the night and fish oil pills and then sometimes if I have itchy places or I sneeze a lot I get other pills. sometimes I fake sneezing, because Dad wraps pills in meat. I like meat a lot too.

About my sleepover, the car smelled funny after Stan was in it. He wasn’t in my seat, but something happened. Mom brought him home and my blue thing for my seat wasn’t there again. I have another thicker blue thing. It is softer and more fun. Anyway, Stan stayed for a long time. Why does he get a bowl of food all the time and I only get two bowls a day? I wouldn’t eat his food. It is hard and in really small balls. He throws it up and catches it. I can’t do that with my food only the apples and bananas and grapes.

Anyway Stan slept in a cage. Mom would never let me sleep in a cage. I couldn’t even fit in Stan’s cage, but Stan says he likes it. It is like a cave and it smells like him and he sleeps real good in it.

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Stan barking

The first night Stan woke everybody up. He grrr…d and he woofed and he was real loud. I only do that when there is danger like from that gray thing that crept along the fence and hissed at me and made mean faces at me. I don’t really know what Stan was grrr…ing about. I mean, I guess I am used to the stuff that happens around here. When I go to Stan’s house he says he likes it, because he gets out of his room for a while and my Mom walks him. He says she rescues him from the smelly place where there are all sorts of us and other people like, eeuwwee, cats and stuff. I don’t think I would mind a snake. Snails live at my house and I don’t mind them. They are really easy to catch. Anyway, back to Stan and me. Mom didn’t take us to Dog Park. She left us all, ,me and Stan and Dad all the next day after Stan got here. She came home smelling of woods and trees and why didn’t she take me? I would have really liked that.

‘I Did It!’ from Walks With Thurber: a Memoir

Me, Thurber

Me, Thurber

I Did IT!

I have been with my current humans for longer than half my life. It is a really good gig; I mean they give me great places to sleep in the cold time and in the hot time. I take them for long walks and short walks and because of me they get to wash me once a week and feed me twice a day. Now I will say that Mom is bossy in a nice way. She doesn’t walk with me unless I have on a harness. I must admit the red against my coat makes me really handsome and she holds the thick stringy thing with both hands except when she cleans up after me. She told Dad that I was too heavy. I admit I have bulked up a little but then I am three years older. I told Dad it was all muscle. Mom pointed out to Dad that I have rolls and then she pinched one of them and Dad said, “He is chubby isn’t he?” Mom said something about losing weight, whatever that is. Now you have to understand that Dad makes all of my meals, except when I am with Mom at that other house where my friend lives. We have pissing contests. He peed on the ottoman. I outdid him until Mom caught me and threw me outside and then used flowers to clean it up. She was mad. I haven’t done it again, when she is around and she is always around. I think she has eyes in the back of her head. Anyway, Dad started giving me more veggies and less food stuff and Mom made him stop giving me hot dogs. I love hot dogs and now I can’t have them. I have eaten hot dogs since I was young and Dad wasn’t my dad yet. He always gave them to me, sometimes two or three a day.

To get back to my “I DID IT!” I have to tell you that Mom was not at the house. She goes to this place every night and I don’t know what she does, but she brought me there one day and the smells; so many humans have been there. I can even smell her and Dad. Actually, it was very restful and cool on the floor. So Mom was gone and Dad made the most delicious smelling stuff. I wanted it, but it was Dad’s lunch and I don’t get lunch anymore, because of this chubby thing. It smelled so.o.o.o.o good! He took a few bites.  I whined a little and Dad asked if I had to go out so I went to the door. He opened the door and I went out in front of him. He stepped out too. I went on the cement place and over to the smelly place with all the green stuff. He came out and then went back into my sometimes sleeping room. I ran back in and stood at the door. He opened the door and I went back in the house straight to where Dad usually sits. It smelled really really good. Dad wasn’t in yet so I took a long smell. Then I couldn’t help it: I took a bite and then another. The door shut and Dad came into the room. I dropped a piece on the floor. He just looked at me. Then he noticed the piece on the floor and picked up and gave it to me too. He looked and looked and then sat down. “I can’t tell anyone about this. Boy, will Jenny be mad.” I don’t know who ‘Jenny” is. I know would be mad if I did that to her, but I wouldn’t do it to her, because she has told me a lot of times to leave it and I don’t even ask anymore. Not like my friend down at the other house where Mom stays sometimes to be with my friend, who asks everybody for tastes. I guess his Mom gives them to him while she eats her food.

So Dad didn’t tell anyone until yesterday and Mom wasn’t really around. But like I said she has eyes and ears in the back of her head and she heard the last part of Dad’s story and then he had to repeat it. I bet she was mad. I just hope it wasn’t at me. Like I said that stuff tasted really really really good and I am glad that ‘I DID IT!”

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Egg Foo Young: Yummy!

Shot! from Walks With Thurber: a memoir

Thurber

Thurber

Mom takes me lots of places. Most of them I don’t like. She takes me to baths. She takes me to the place where other animals are screaming and crying and wailing. (OK, it is a nice place and the others don’t really do that. I made it up so Mom would feel guilty about taking me there.

Mom calls that place ‘the vet’. Now this is what happens. first they take me in a room. Then they get me up on a thing that jiggles and Mom and whoever is there say, ‘Oh no, he’s gained two more pounds’ whatever that means. Then it depends on whether my ears hurt or I have a sore leg or whatever. I guess that means that she wants me to be happy. I just like to eat and sleep. The baths are a pain in the ….. The vet is scarey. This time I had to go for more pills and a sore ear and I was due for my shots. Now I know that when you get shot it is loud and awful, but not at the vet’s place. They lift up your skin or take this thin thing and put it into your butt muscle and then you feel funny for a little while and then you run and bark and do everything like before, but Mom is much happier. She calls that getting shot, but it isn’t loud, and it doesn’t hurt. I don’t know. I would rather go and play with my friends than go to the vet’s place, but according to Mom, I can’t go and be with my friends if I don’t get shot!

Today from Walks WithThurber: A Memoir

OK. Things have been a little wild and mixed up. There was a long while when Dad would not walk me or talk to me and I don’t know what I did. I only want to protect him. Then he started to pat me and walk me again. During this time Mom did all of the walking and the talking and the patting and the (yuk) bathing and just about every thing except feeding. I did the eating.

Then Mom took me to a different place. That was a wonderful few days except I had to share her with my little white friend, Weeteepii. Well, that’s what Mom calls him. We have pissing contests. She walked both of us together on different leashes of course. And then at night I got to sleep on a raised platform that was so soft and comfy and Mom was there and so was Weeteepii. He is so little he sleeps on a super-soft thing Mom calls a pillo. Anyway, the first night I was there Mom let me get on the sofa and put my head on her lap. That was really nice until I got too warm. So I climbed off. Then the next night was the raised platform thing I told you about up there. I stretched and stretched and stretched and laid right up against Mom’s side. I didn’t move all night. The next night I curled right up on the other corner of the platform. I didn’t move all that night either.

She made dinners with moo meat. One she called Gypsy Stew. She really liked that stuff. Another night she just fried some moo meat and cut it up and shared it with Weeteepii and me. That is when I learned to sit far back from her when she was at the hot thing that cooked her moo. She stepped back and got my toe. It didn’t hurt, but she was upset, so now I just sit behind her. Maybe she will throw me something to eat. you know I live for treats.

So then there was the time when I get special bird treats. Mom and Dad had people over and there were all kinds of great smells in the house. Mom let me in after the people ate and they patted me and gave me bites.

Then came the time when Mom and Dad get up and let me out and then back in and then they tear paper and take out fun things and I even get a new toy or two and some treats. Did I tell you I live for treats?

Then Mom took me to get a bath and there was a friend of mine and I bounced around and Mom said “Oww!”, and then she didn’t walk me for a few days and when she started again, she was very slow. I hope I didn’t hurt her. I do love Mom, just not as much as Dad. I mean, Dad gives me yummy food and treats all day long. What is not to love? Mom just tells him to give me less treats. It is like a stab in the tail when she does that. She does wash me every week and that feels really good. She says that it is the only way I can stay in the house at night.

So we are almost up to date. One day Mom was coming out into the garage. I heard something snap and crackle and Mom was laying on the floor. She didn’t do anything for a few minutes. I was afraid. I didn’t get near her. I mean, she had been talking to me and then she was laying on the floor. She doesn’t usually lay on the floor. then her head came up and she started yelling. She was very loud, but she said “help” a lot of times. Dad came out and looked at her. Mom smelled like fear. Then Mom sort of pulled herself so everything was on the floor and off the stairs and then she wiggled stuff like her back paws and her front paws and her haunches. “Let me sit for a minute. I have to see if I can get up.” she said. Dad told her to be careful. Mom pulled herself onto the step and then grabbed the heat maker and the wall and slowly got up. “I guess nothing is to badly broken. I can stand.” she said, but you know it wasn’t until a few days ago that she started to walk me. And today, yippee, she walked me fast. I think things are back to normal again.

I love my life!!!

Bed for Mom from Walks With Thurber: a memoir

Thurber

Me, Thurber! Bed for Mom.

OK. It sounds like a funny title, but I just doing my my job a when Mom went to bed.

Mom is sitting with a white fluffy thing that she calls Stanford. He says his name is Fang, but I think he should be called Cotton Candy. Enough about him. I got to stay overnight with him and Mom. Dad just dropped me off. He said Mom was probably half dead in a ditch at night and maybe he should have brought an ambulance. What does a walking lance look like? Anyway, we got there and Mom had the picture thing on and Fang was on the top of the couch. Mom let us in. Everything smelled different. I looked for places to pee, but Mom said that I couldn’t do that. Okay, so I just came in and chewed on Fang’s green toy. Mom took it away. She said she would fix it. I guess I chewed a hole in it. Then Mom said I had to quiet down that it was getting time for bed.

A little later she said it was bedtime. She got up from the couch and went to the last door on the right. She opened the door and what a bunch of smells came out of there. I had to examine the whole place to make sure she was safe. She got into bed and Fang jumped up on the bed. Mom said I could stay there too. There was plenty of room. She turned the light out and scrunched around. I decided to sniff everything again. I came to Mom’s face which was sticking out, and gave her a kiss on her cheek. She reached out and said “What a nice boy you are, Thurber. Good night sweet dog.” then there was no more sound from her.

I sniffed Fang. He said he was okay, too. I went out to the hallway and laid on the nice soft carpet that was there. I waited a few minutes until I heard a little sound. I went back in and Fang was dreaming. Mom was sound asleep. I went back out to the big area and scrunched up the carpet that was there and slept in front of the door. It is my job to keep Mom safe.

Breakfast from Walks with Thurber: a Memoir

I didn’t eat my breakfast this morning. I don’t know what Dad was thinking. I know it was Dad, because Mom only gives me the stuff she cooks and my kibble, which I must say is greatly improved over the other stuff they used to give me. Okay, I am a picky eater. Breakfast and Dinner are my two semi favorite times of day. I like walks and playing and barking at the neighbor dogs better. I don’t like it when they bark at me on my walks. That is my meditation times. Oh, I also like to sleep and rest. Maybe that is what I like to do best, or maybe that is what I am really really good at doing.

Anyway, back to breakfast; Dad gave me some kind of chopped up meat that doesn’t taste like beef or chicken or turkey. It tastes like dog. I am no cannibal. If it tasted like cat that would be okay, but not dog.

I have to tell you, I have found a great place to find interesting stuff. Mom calls it her compost pile. Mom is doing really strange stuff in the back yard like yanking up grass and putting newspapers all over then watering them. Does she want to grow news paper? Anyway, she gets annoyed when I take things from the pile. I took a red and green thing yesterday. It tasted sweet. I thought I would save it, but she found it. Maybe I shouldn’t have left it by my nose so I could smell it’s sweetness. Next time I will bury it.

Back to breakfast; sometimes I don’t eat it because I am not real hungry, but today I just refused. I smell it and I smelled that food and I gave Dad a mean look and walked away. I heard him tell Mom that I never just walk away. Then he came out and got my bowl. I have to tell you a a side note, it is really nice to have a clean bowl every time I eat. I didn’t have that at the other places I lived. They just poured food into the bowls and it didn’t matter what else fell in, I had to eat it. I also never had breakfast and dinner; only dinner. This breakfast thing is really nice. Mom takes me for a walk before I eat and I poop and pee and then we go home and I hear Dad fixing my breakfast. They must really love me. Am I getting too picky?

Me, Thurber

Me, Thurber

Toto Looks at Oz from Walks with Thurber: A Memoir

Look at me.

Look at me.

I heard the name Toto. Dad is watching a strange movie. There is a dog named Toto in it. Toto barks a lot and he protects his Mom a lot, but she doesn’t seem to appreciate it from what he says in the movie.

She shouldn't go there!

She shouldn’t go there!

Toto keeps saying that his Mom doesn’t listen to him. She just keeps going and doing weird things and meeting weird but nice people except for that old witch. “When that old lady picked me up and put me in that basket, I got really mad at her. The basket smelled really bad, just like her. I got out of the basket and ran home to my Mom. Then they picked me up and said I wasn’t needed anymore today. So my real Dad took me with him and fed me real good.”

Toto is a little dog. I don’t know if I would like him very much. I mean he is shinny and pretty and well-dressed like me, but at least I am friendly. Toto sounds really stuck up. He keeps talking about the stupid people he meets and how the humans are the only real smart animals because they feed him. Toto said, “I would like to stay in one place for a while. I have been to the dog pound where they found me. I would have not lasted out the day with all the stupid people that were in there with me. They just kept calling for their moms and dads and they didn’t get that nobody wanted them. The conversations were boring. At least I knew that nobody wanted me and then this real nice human came and I grinned at him and stood on my hind legs and turned around a couple of times and he said to the other human with him that I was just what he was looking for. Then he took me away. I don’t know what happened to the other people in that place.

“I don’t think that this is the greatest place to be,” Toto said in the place where he gets lifted up and swirled around. “The lights are too hot and it is really noisy and I can’t get any sleep and then they want me to run and run and if I go in the wrong place they make me do it again. They make me do it again if a human makes a mistake too. There is no consideration for me around here. Only for the humans. The humans are really enjoying this, but it is boring to me.”

How come Toto keeps barking; like anybody but me and my people would know what he is saying?

 

Ham Day from Walks With Thurber: a Memoir

To the Reader:

This is a post that has been hanging on for a while. Think of it as Christmas in August.

Jen

OK. Today is weird. I will call it Ham Day. You will see why later. Mom and Dad spent time putting things in paper and then this morning, they took them out of the paper and threw it away, the paper not what they wrapped up. First though, Mom took this big thing off the thing where I can see horses and dogs and lots of people, and took off the shiny stuff that was around it and then I got a toy and some really yummy treats and a lot of Wows! whatever they are. This is sort of what the toy looks like:dog toy

Dad gave Mom some things to undo and then Mom gave Dad some things and then Dad said “Oh, Thurber, thank you.” He says that a lot, but I heard my name before he took off the paper. I promise, I didn’t do anything. Mom went into the cooking place and Dad did whatever he does when he listens to the talking guys. Then Mom brought out yummy smelling stuff with other yummy smelling stuff and Dad brought me a yummy smelling thing with fruit like from the tree out in my back yard only different with lots of margarine, but he ate half of it before it got to me, and then Mom and Dad ate and watched one of the things they had torn the paper off of and then they put on more clothes, and we went to a new place to walk that had steps and everything, then we went home.scones

Then Mom went into the cooking place again and Dad went into his plinky place and then the smells started to come out of the cooking place. I wonder why sometimes no smells come out of the cooking place and then some days really good smells come out. I smell a  lots of vegetables and some kind of meat and then some really good buttery stuff. Mom told Dad that we are having ham. Dad has called Mom a ham.  What is HAM?ham

Donkey Oatey from Walks With Thurber

FOXI have a lot of friends that don’t make any noise. Fox is one of them. I can’t find Fox. I think Dad took it away for some reason. Dad gave me a new friend. It is soft and furry like my round hedgehog, but easier to put in my mouth. Besides, Dad said that I couldn’t have Hedgehog until Mom fixed him. What does that mean? Mom and Dad keep referring to me being fixed. Is it the same thing? Anyway, Dad gave me this neat friend like I said. Mom looked at it and had a sort of sad look on her face. Apparently she liked it too. So she looked at me, holding it in my mouth, and I looked at her the way she says is cute, and she let me have it. So she named it. She called it Donkey Oatey.

Donkey Oatey
She likes to pick up the friend and wave it around and walk very fast with it just beyond my nose. I have to run and then she goes in another direction. Does she know how bad I hate running. Sometimes she does that to me when we walk.
I don’t understand how Mom and Dad communicate. They never smell each other. They don’t bark. A lot of times I see their eating places move very fast and then they do something or other. I understand when they say w.a.l.k. and e.a.t. and h.e.e.l. and things like that, but I don’t understand when they make their sounds for a long time.
Back to Donkey Oatey; every time she says the name, she laughs. What is so funny about that name. She doesn’t laugh when she says my name or Dad’s name. Of course what is in Dad that is so hard? Sometimes she makes mule sounds. She doesn’t bark so I can understand her. I don’t know what she means a lot of the time. Okay, Donkey Oatey is cute and soft, and I can lay my head on him, and he is my new best friend. Sometimes I shake him and bite him but he never says anything. Of course neither did hedgehog, but his nose finally came off. I have another hedgehog though and Mom found my squeaky bone thing I got when it was cold. I miss Hedgehog the Gray. Donkey Oatey is like him but easier. Of course everything I see is gray. What does that mean; Donkey Oatey?

Thurber with Donkey Oatey

Girl Dogs from Walks With Thurber: a Memoir

All right! I like girl dogs. Not all girl dogs, just the young ones. They like to play with me, and chase me, and nip at me. At Dog Park the other day there were four girl dogs. One was skinny and black and ran like the wind. One was brown and had a short nose; another was tall and fluffy and white, and the fourth one was my friend. She is like me only blond. Mom said the big white fluffy one was very soft to touch.

Mom knows all of the dogs at Dog Park. They all come to say ‘hello’ to her. She gives them a pat and says their names and how pretty or handsome they are. All those dogs like my Mom. Anyway, I don’t get along too well with the big white fluffy girl. She rolls me over and then starts to nip at me. It scares me. I know she is playing, but it is too rough for me. I am a bit wussy at least that’s what Mom calls me.

The skinny young girls at Dog Park ran and ran and ran. We had such a good time. Then the blond one jumped into the water tub. She got all wet. She has been my friend for a long time. She is  way bigger than me, but we just run around and have fun. She likes teasing the really little dogs next door. There is a small white fluffy dog in there that I really like, but she doesn’t pay me any attention. She just runs around sort of and shows off and then her Dad just picks her up and they leave. I wonder if Mom could pick me up like that.